“Why are you so much more agreeable to things now than when you were a teenager?”  That was the question posed to me by my 89 year old father over the Easter weekend when I was

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trying to decide which day to go visit my parents.  I kiddingly said, “That’s because I am so much smarter and wiser in my old age!”

A truth, perhaps, that wisdom does come with more years, but equally important, wisdom and knowing what things  are truly important in life come with life being lived not according to your “plan,” mistakes being made, and  lessons learned from transitions in life that are sometimes exciting, sometimes heartbreaking.

Transitions often frighten us. They are unfamiliar….uncertain. Becoming a mother was certainly one of those exciting transitions…but still a little frightening.  After all, I had never changed a diaper before!  However, three children later, I learned that they could survive and even thrive despite me.  How my heart grew to such a size that I never knew I had it in me.  Suddenly, my wants and needs were gladly put aside if necessary for these precious daughters that God so graciously entrusted me with.

Losing a child with a birth defect was also one of those transition points in my life.  Never had the value of life been so important to me until then…..learning to grieve and accept loss taught me to hold each moment as truly precious and to be more thankful for the things I had always taken for granted up to that point.

Becoming a grandmother has been one of the easiest and most rewarding transitions in my life.  Just when I thought I couldn’t have any more love in my heart….there are those amazing and energetic little ones.  When they look at me with delight, hug and kiss me, and tell me how much they love me, they make me want to continue to grow, to leave a better world for them, to truly be there for them as an adult who will love them unconditionally.  In essence, they have made me want to be a better person.

Going through a divorce was also a defining transition for me.  I had lived my life a certain way for all of my adult life….how was I going to cope with such a change?  While this transition was a painful one for a while, I have learned more about myself and what kind of person I want to be than anything else could have ever taught me.

With each trial, each stage, each detour, each transition, we can choose to live in fear of the unknown of how our lives will be affected, or we can choose to embrace the change.  Am I more agreeable now than as a teenager?  Of course!  I have learned what things are truly important in life, what not to stress over, and what I want my lasting influence to be on others.  I choose to embrace those lessons learned during my life transitions and value each one as I get older as those “badges of courage,” as my father would say, that have led me to finally becoming the person I was always intended to be.

Learner, Thinker, Writer:  Debra Swann serves the Trinity School community as an Administrative Assistant.