My brother, Rick died of brain cancer almost 4 years ago. He was 10 years older than me, more father than brother. He always seemed like he was in a big hurry. Rick was so driven and passionate. His thoughts must have rushed at warp speed. I grow tired just thinking of all the things he accomplished in his short life! If he wasn’t working outside,teaching, playing guitar, or talking about mussels (yes, the clam/oyster looking creature), then he was scribbling thoughts down in a notebook. I didn’t think much about it at the time, but now I am so blessed to have his life documented, by his own hand, for myself and my family to cherish and hold onto forever. I thought I would share an entry that really inspired me and put me into perspective.
“Fear is an odd feeling. It seems to be allied with everything that is strange and unexpected. As I grow older, I become increasingly aware of my mortality. These reminders cause me to fear. I guess the hardest part of the whole thing is accepting the reality. I keep thinking of all the things I’ve never seen–all the things I’ve never done. I hope I find balance before my time comes to an end… Life is to be lived. It’s short, it’s nuts, and all of us are a bit crazy. Enjoy the lunacy! I know that I can’t live in the past; that’s a realm for vague memories both good and bad. I don’t know the future; that’s the dark room with a light switch at the other end. I do know my present, and that is all I can know.”
Richard Bowers, July 1999
This is an entry written right before my niece, Abby was born. Rick was a mere 26—my age! The entry sounds a bit morbid, right? He brought up a great point! In life many of us stress over the future or fuss over the past. Many of us talk about regret or even reliving time. I can only speak for myself, but if I had the opportunity to relive time, I might have been more focused on learning Spanish, and I definitely wouldn’t have stopped playing clarinet. Would I have become a fluent Spanish speaker? Would I have become a world renowned clarinet player? Who knows! No one can see that far into the future, and it is impossible to relive the past! So, where did this get me? Not very far! Why did I stop speaking Spanish? Why did I quit the clarinet? Why didn’t I take painting lessons? The answer is quite simple—fear. As I grow into adulthood, especially now that I am a mom, I am rethinking this whole fear feeling. I may not be able to relive the past, but there is nothing stopping me from accomplishing all that I desire now. Am I still a little afraid? Absolutely! I think this is what drives me to continue bettering myself. My brother did all that he desired before he died. He inspired his students with his love of science, helped the environment (one lake, river, and stream-bed at a time), created a production company for Atlanta bands (Walk to Run), almost finished his PHD, and passed on his legacy through his wife and 3 kids. I’d say he accomplished a life-well lived! As for me, I ask my second graders to take a risk every day. It’s up to me to step out of my comfort zone and be a living example.
Rick Bowers
Learner, Thinker, Writer: Carole Fischer serves as a Second Grade Assistant for Trinity School
How beautiful, Carole. Rick’s lesson is an important one for all of us, and your reminder to take risks and live in the moment is an important one. Thanks for sharing Rick’s message with us. Remind me often to take a risk, and I will remind you to do the same! 🙂
Carole,
Such a lovely post about Rick! It IS scary to think how quickly life can pass us by and most of us don’t follow our dreams or passions because we’re comfortable with where we are now. Whether we’re 90 or 30, the same comment is always heard, “Where has the time gone?”
It is also such a small world to know that I had a conversation with Rick in 2005(?) about HIS passion. He talked for about 45 minutes about zebra mussles…he lived his dream. His passion was science and he wasn’t afraid to explore it! I didn’t know him very well at all, but I will never forget that conversation.
I think of Jennifer and the kids often and wonder how you can go on without your husband and the father of your kids. I’m sure what keeps them going are the memories that you all had with Rick and enjoying the now…
I’m glad that you wrote this. Rick mattered…his life was significant. Thanks for sharing.
Carole, I really enjoyed reading your post. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother– he seems like an incredibly unique and interesting person.
I’ve been thinking about fear lately as my almost-3-year-old son announces a new fear each night before bed. Things he never mentioned before are suddenly “fears”. I suspect fear is a learned behavior at his age, and I wonder what he will truly grow to fear with time and experience. I think I’ll use the idea of embracing fear to help him when he’s old enough to understand your powerful message.
Carole, Thank you for sharing about your brother and his courage to face his mortality and his realization to live in the present. It is a message I need to hear everyday. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences as well. I appreciate the fact that you realize it is fear holding you back and taking a risk as we ask our children to do it something we all need to do ourselves- everyday!
Carole, thank you for sharing your thoughts about Rick and for sharing his writing with us. Even in this little “project” I have witnessed people’s fears with writing. I, too, understand the power of fear and its debilitating effects. What a joy when we are able to rise above the fear and experience life fully as your brother did.