I am a “To Do List” kinda gal. I like adding items that are sure to be crossed off soon as well as organize bigger to-do items on the list. The act of crossing things off provides me with a feeling of accomplishment and order. This matters to me.
Grief does not work this way. A circuitous journey, it requires patience with emotion, with arduous tasks, and with the loss itself. The initial shock and loss gives way to forms of normalcy, yet even these are surprisingly interrupted from time to time with raw emotion that cannot be easily understood.
I like to cut through the Media Center on the way to the Front Desk because it is a few less steps, saves a bit of time, and feels more direct. As I take this journey of grief, I long to make a straight path through the midst of it, side-stepping some pain, saving myself from some aspects that cause aches. But that is not the path of grief. There are times that feel “normal” and there are times that feel surreal. There are items on my to-do list that relate to normal school stuff and items laden with emotion that must be done. I do not fear the circuitous journey, but it often can cause me to feel raw or exposed. My penchant for transparency keeps me from pretending that all is okay, for it isn’t. Yet, not moving forward isn’t okay either. So I take one step at a time.
So all of this to say, thank you for walking beside me. For your forgiveness when I need it. For your patience. For your thoughtfulness in ways that have overwhelmed me. I am grateful to work in this community. I am grateful for the space to walk this circuitous journey with colleagues and families who give kindness and grace.
Learner, Thinker, Writer: Maryellen Berry serves Trinity School as the Upper Elementary Division Head. @fastwalker10